I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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