Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize