Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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