Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
