Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
