Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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