She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
