wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
