This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
