isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
