I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize