I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
