i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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