i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
