when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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