Acid is not a monday night drug
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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