I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
