Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You were trust falling into bushes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
