I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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