Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
