So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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