I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize