he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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