other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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