tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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