eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My bed smells like the plague
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
