Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
