so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I party with great urgency now.
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