she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
