You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
