I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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