Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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