I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
this just has baby written all over it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
