You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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