I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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