He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
