he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
