where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
