"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize