Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
