Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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