I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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