Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This baby is an asshole
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
