I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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