I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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