he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
