her vagine was all disorganized.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i drank out of a bidet.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
