Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize