Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
