Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
