We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the condom got lost in my hair
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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