I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
