I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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