do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
