Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
