Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's official drugs can't kill me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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