I will die if light touches me.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
