Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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