I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize