there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize