He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
