you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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