Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just invented taco cereal.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
