Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
