This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
