K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
