so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
