i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
