do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
