I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
