I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
