Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just want nice things and good sex
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
