I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
