in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
