she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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