The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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