I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
