That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You're like the curious george of whores
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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