OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
