You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
