Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
