you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
