Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
