My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
