Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
