ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
