Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
