you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
