just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
