I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
