he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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