Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
