before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
