You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
