his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
