I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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