in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
