i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
