i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
