It's like God shit irony all over that family
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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