we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
