hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
