Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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