I want to make a zoo with you.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
